Divorcing a “Jerk” – What I needed my family and friends to know

Yes, I know he is a Jerk – but he wasn’t always, and sometimes I mourned the fun we had, the laughter, and the happy times as a family.

I was afraid to leave.

Please don’t tell me, "I told you so”, or “I shouldn’t have married him”, my kids are here, they are my world and they need to know they aren’t the outcome of a mistake that I made.

I know he wasn’t the best father - but I want my kids to think he really does love them, it’s better for them to believe they are loved, wanted and cared for, even if he isn’t there for them now. They figured it out.

Every divorce is different, just because your friend received 5 years of Alimony doesn’t mean I am entitled to the same.

A simple text wishing me a great day can go a long way!

I know it’s really hard, you don’t have to remind me – but, you can encourage me, tell me I am doing a great job, to hang in there and remind me, IT WILL GET BETTER!

Let me know that if I need help, all I have to do is ask.

I don’t need to talk about my Divorce every time I see or talk to you, I might need an escape from it all.

If I do talk about my divorce, please listen, if I am emotional, please support me, if I am being irrational please let me know. When my emotions are all over the place and I am wearing you down; suggest a counselor or support group, but don’t ignore my calls.

Yes he was abusive. No, I don't want to talk about it.

When my kids have visitation day, I may need a friend or I may just need to be alone, but it was nice that you asked if I had plans.

Please don’t try to fix me up on a date, I am begging you! Even if I am somewhat interested, don’t! Instead, encourage me to get my life together and back on track before I start dating.

When you see me next, I may just need a hug!

Be a bright light for my kids, ask them how they are, make them feel special, encourage them and make them laugh. Being a single parent is lonely and hard.

I love you all, there is no way I could get through this without you.

Be patient with me, I will be back to my old self again one day.

Kerry is a CDC Certified Divorce Coach and the Founder of www.divorceresponseteam.com

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