You are now going through what many call the 2nd most stressful event in all of life, right behind the death of a close family member. You are more than likely going to have to deal with these highest levels of emotion while making life-changing decisions in rapid-fire succession. For most people, this leads to feelings of panic, pressure of making a wrong decision, and pain – all the while, you might be processing the surprise (or at least disappointment) of your marriage failing.
Think for a minute about a car, with 4 cylinders—and how in your life, you have at least 4 categories which you regularly address – your physical well-being, your emotions, financial/career, and social/family. Imagine a situation where you are focusing all of your energy on only ONE or TWO of these categories – like a car running on just ONE or TWO cylinders. Without the balance in your life, your engine won’t have enough power to keep going!
During this divorce process, there will be times that you may be literally running on just ONE cylinder and ignoring all of the others; expending much of your energy dealing with emotions that it becomes difficult to focus on other responsibilities. That’s why it is so common for people to be unable to focus on their job or unable to focus on anything except the tragedy which has befallen them, ignoring their health, their home, personal appearance, or even at times their children.
Look—there’s a lot going on and a lot for you to address—let’s take a moment to think of some of issues and feelings that you may have to deal with. The many issues and pending decisions can be a total distraction from the responsibilities of your pre-divorce life, and yet, now, during this most stressful time, you have to somehow, manage to get yourself together and keep your life moving forward all while making some of the toughest & most important decisions that will affect the future for you and your family. You’ve got to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally.
It’s important to keep a focused on the end results — what it is you want on the very first day that you are divorced and what steps you’ll need to take to get there. Knowing what it is you want on that day is half the battle to getting there. Some examples of this may include; to stay in your marital home or to work towards a successful and/or a friendly co-parenting relationship.
Earlier, I mentioned how most of your energy might be siphoned off to handle the emotional stress that you are facing. Important: What is the biggest culprit in causing stress & stealing your energy? It’s UNCERTAINTY! Starting with the uncertainty of whether there is any HOPE of reconciliation, or if you are initiating the divorce uncertainty whether you are doing the right thing, the uncertainty that your kids will be OK, or how the Divorce may affect your finances. If you can resolve the uncertainty, you can eliminate most of the energy-robbing stress.
The Certified Divorce Coaches at Divorce Response Team know the feeling of uncertainty and how it impacts the mental and emotional well-being of those going through the Divorce process. It is through our training and experience that we support our clients through this emotional time while sorting through pending issues. We assist with preparing our clients for this difficult time and provide each with the necessary tools to work though the uncertainty and on their way toward success in their post-Divorce life.
Kerry is a Certified Divorce Coach and the Founder of www.divorceresponseteam.com
Divorce Response Team© 2016